Middle Earth Emissary Headlines Anti-Mayor Event in Wildwood - Trailer for "We Hates Him" released.
Updated: Apr 2
"I hates him, I hates him" snarled Gollum as he scurried across the parking lot to speak at an anti-mayor event that was to be held at the Parkside Grille in Wildwood.
"He's a tricksy Mayor and we hates him," continued the creature as a handful of attendees awaited his talk, "Bowlinses, a Middle Earth Deconstruction."
When asked why he was meeting with Wildwood's anti-mayor coalition, the homunculus of a hobbit said, "we hates him, he does not make our friends commissioners and he steals our seats."
When Wildwood Matters inquired if he was being paid for his talk, Smeagol glanced at his handler uttered a phlegmy croak, then shrieked "my precious". He then absconded into the creek bordering the venue.
His handler, who as usual demanded anonymity, said that the speaker was invited because "we know that the mayor is hated everywhere, including his shire. And he knows how to maintain a venomous presence, which is something we like to duplicate online."
When asked if the Mayor was so unliked why he won re-election in a landslide, the anonymous source stated that "politics is not a popularity contest. Moreover the institutions of all relevant inquiries have indicated various representations of ethical concern, and of course the charter et al," the handler explicated with a small flourish and a slight bow.
"It has nothing to do with my having lost an election I can assure you," the renegade hobbit's handler sighed, "it has to do with how large the defeat was. It was most assuredly due to foul play and the use of dark arts that brought about the Mayor's success as well as my historic defeat."
"My precious" echoed through Caulks Creek as the handful of event goers searched for their keynote speaker.
"He's literally a parody of everything we are attempting to accomplish in the shadows," added the groups chair anonymously. "I just hope we find him before the bar closes."
"This is so disingenuous of him to do this," said the host as she scrambled to the creek at that moment grateful to be wearing yoga pants to the function.
Official movie trailer for WE HATES HIM, to be released this December.
This trailer is not yet rated by the Classification and Ratings Commission.
Note: This is an April 1 parody post. Similarities to real life themes are intended.